I know I haven't updated in a while. It's been an eventful few weeks, unfortunately.
First was the trip to the ER for the bloody stools. Turns out, Sammy is both milk AND soy protein intolerant. I had spent three weeks dairy-free, but he wasn't getting better. The GI determined he must also be soy intolerant, and since EVERYTHING has milk or soy in it, I had to give up giving him breastmilk. We switched him to Alimentum. I'm disappointed, but he's MUCH better now, and that's what's important, right?
Three days after that ER visit, we ended up back at Children's. It was perhaps the worst afternoon of my life. Without reliving too many details, Sammy's sats (oxygen saturations) dropped and I couldn't wake him up. He opened his eyes just as the 911 operator was going to walk me through CPR. They took us to the local hospital by ambulance, but they were having a hard time keeping his sats above 60 without oxygen, so we took another ambulance ride - through awful rush hour traffic in Boston - down to Children's. We had a three-day stay, where they blamed it all on an upper respiratory bug and dehydration.
And this Wednesday, July 19th, he goes in for his second operation, the Glenn. This is by far harder than the first time around. He's a major part of our lives now. He laughs and rolls over and giggles and has his own little personality. I should be writing about all the amazing things he does, how you wouldn't know he had a heart condition by the way he looks (he's almost 14 pounds!) or the way he acts (right on target for his age, not delayed at all!), but right now, we're consumed by the idea of having to hand him over to the surgeons again and all the fears and worries that go along with that.
So please - keep him in your thoughts and prayers over the next week. We thank you for your love and support in advance.
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Once upon a time, I took pictures of things other than my baby. Really, I did.
I vaguely remember those days. You mean there was life before Sammy?
Jay getting laid off was the best thing - how else could we spend entire afternoons snuggled in bed, simply watching the baby sleep?
We've grown oblivious to the outside world. Time is completely lost on us. Jobs seem like such a foreign concept. Every so often I stop and think: my friends are getting ready for work right now. Or, my students are in class learning right now. Or, people are going about their usual days, unaware that our days are wrapped up in this tiny little human in our little house.
I also stop and look at him and think, Holy crap, we made him. My body made this little creature!
I also contemplate things like vacuuming and making the bed, but that all seems so trivial compared to holding a sleeping Sammy in my arms.
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I can't be the only mama who breaks into Pearl Jam every time she sees the Evenflo bottles.
Ha! Take that, minivan soccer mama creeping up inside! I AM a ROCKSTAR mama! I sing Pearl Jam and cool songs to my baby! Folk music! Jazz! Classic rock! No Baby Einstein midi crap in this house, no matter how good their marketing!
(Heh. Sleep deprivation, anyone?)
The last couple of days have been a blur of sleep and not enough sleep, pumping, feeding, changing diapers, smothering kisses, tagteaming nighttime feedings, calming (or trying to) tears, counting up ounces eaten, doing laundry, washing bottles, sterilizing everything, watching him find his reflection in the mirror, pediatrician visits (two since we came home, cardiologist visit today), waiting for his smile to let us know he's falling asleep, trying to find the perfect way to rest my hand on his chest to make sure he's breathing without waking him up, breaking into randomly created songs about poop and how much we love him (though not always in the same song), making up new nicknames like Doodlemuffin and Muffinhead (though he's a Doodle through and through), creating an entire new vocabulary (nummienolas = food, noonie = pacifier), worrying and crying about what the future holds - and then kicking myself in the arse and reminding myself to take in the moment as he is right now (because he's just freaking AWESOME in every possible way), and generally just loving the crap out of him.
(Of course, if I had said that out loud, I'd immediately cover his ears as I said the word "crap" - after all, I used to give my students a hard time if they cursed in front of my pregnant belly, claiming that I would hunt them down if my baby's first word was any of the words they were spewing. Nevermind that mama's the Queen Trucker Mouth when someone cuts her off in traffic. Whatever.)
Anyway, I hear little Doodle stirrings - sounds like time for breakfast. Good thing mama managed to scarf hers down (AND pump AND get his meds ready AND pack for the trip to the doctor AND make up some bottles) all while he was snoozing. Go mama with your bad, sleep-deprived, Pearl-Jam-singin' self!
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We survived our first day at home alone with this little creature. Sure, it meant taking turns sleeping on the floor of his room because the cosleeper wasn't set up and neither of us could really bear to leave him alone. And sure, there was fussing and a generally unhappy belly - complete with projectile vomiting - because Mama fed him the higher calorie mixture by accident. But there were also champion diaper changes, meds given at the very right times, showers, naps, the realization that little monkey can focus on his reflection, a discovery that his little fingers fit perfectly in his little mouth if he curls them just right - and lots and lots of snuggling with Mama and Daddy.
All in all, a fantastic day.
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Samson Daniel
2/24/06 7:05am
7lbs, 4oz - 19in.
Just a quick check-in since we only have access when we're with Sammy, and when we're here, well, all we want to do is hold him.
He's precious. We're both in love in ways we never thought we could be.
The birth was a-ok until the pushing started. Four hours and a few really serious scares, Sammy was born with the help of forceps, his cord wrapped around his neck and emergency intervention by about 10 different doctors. But he's here and awake and he knows his Mommy and Daddy already and that's all that matters to us right now. The whole story will have to wait - but the whole "I'd do it all over again" line is completely true.
His surgery is scheduled for Wednesday with the possibility of being bumped up to Monday or Tuesday. We met with one of his cardiologists this afternoon, and things look good. I'll go into more details later, but it's not traditional HLHS as they would define it. He'll still need the same surgeries, but they bumped up his survival to 90-95%! Please cross your fingers and pray and send energy and all the good things you've been doing for us. It seems to be working!
Anyway, I know you're all dying for some pictures - so here they are! No time to edit/comment/describe them - but I think you can figure out who's who. :-)
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We started the induction process this morning around 11.
Two doses of Cytotec and I'm ONE whole centimeter dilated! I wanted to kiss the OB on duty. Progress, baby - there's progress! After weeks of contractions and no dilation, this was an absolute thrill to hear.
They gave me a third dose, which sent the contractions into a tizzy. It was good practice for tomorrow: breathe through them, thank my body for doing such a good job, remind myself that the pain is good pain, pain with a purpose. Stay positive.
Originally they wanted to get a few doses in and then start the Pitocin at 7:30 this evening. Ick - I would have been in labor alllll night. I put up a bit of a fight, and stubborn little me won my silly battle - they'll reevaluate for Pitocin when we're admitted at 7:30 in the morning. At least now we can sneak in a warm shower and restful (hah!) night in a snuggly hotel bed.
So sometime tomorrow little Sammy should be here. Eeeeeek. We're about to become parents.
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Pisces, Virgo rising is a very good sign, strong and kind,
And the little boy is mine.
-Danny's Song, the inspiration for his middle name
The good thing in all this waiting? He held out to the 19th - looks like I'll be getting my little Pisces boy after all!
And while we're on astrology, my horoscope for today: An indecisive friend is trying your patience. Give them a less-than-gentle nudge. Heh. He was insanely hyper last night, and I swear I managed to grab his knee and tell him to cut it out - does that count?
No change, other than that Sammy seems to have dropped even further down - there's a huge empty space at the top of my belly that wasn't there yesterday. For the record - walking lots? Nothing. Pineapple? Nada. I refuse to go the castor oil route, and eggplant makes my stomach turn. Oh well.
If he doesn't come on his own, we go in Wednesday morning for a scheduled induction. I'm not thrilled about this - I'd rather my body do what it knows to do - but at least this way we know we'll get the weekend with him before his surgery.
I've been meaning to post the "schedule of events" for once he's here, so you know what's going on.
Once he's born, they'll take him for evaluation. Our hope is that we'll get fifteen minutes or so with him before they take him. The nurse who runs the floor told me that if he looks good, I'll get a chance to try to feed him. Yippee!
He'll go to NICU first, where they'll start his IV (prostaglandin) to keep the ductus open. After, he may come back to my room in one of those heater units, but it's more likely he'll go to CICU (Cardiac Intensive Care Unit).
Once I'm settled and feeling up to it, I can get wheeled over to the CICU and spend whatever time I want with him, even if I haven't been discharged yet. I don't think I'll be able to feed him once he's in the CICU - they'll feed him via IV. They'll do the echo and other tests on him there to determine just what needs to get done during his surgery.
They don't do scheduled surgeries on the weekends, so as long as nothing of an emergency nature comes up beforehand, he likely won't have his surgery until Monday the 27th at the earliest. It could be Tuesday, it could be Wednesday.
After that, it's up in the air. I hate to think about what our time in recovery is going to be like - he'll be paralyzed and sedated for a while afterwards, to help with the healing and the pain. My understanding is that his chest will be open for about three days, should they need to go back in and do anything else. Once it's closed, they'll start to ween him from the morphine, and then we work on feeding and weight gain. We could be there anywhere from two weeks to, well, who knows.
As for updates - we'll have access from Children's Hospital. I'm sure in those first few days we'll be camera happy, and I'll be updating regularly once he has his surgery to let everyone know how he's doing.
Friends and family - please know that while we'd love for you to see him, if you've been sick or have been exposed to any sort of illness, we need you to wait until you're healthy to meet him. I know - it'll be hard! - but we can't risk getting him sick. :-(
Thanks so much for all your support the past few months - it means more to us than you know.
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Sammy will be born early Sunday morning. How do I know this?
Because we're expecting a Nor'easter late Saturday into Sunday and we live about an hour from the hospital, that's how. We're looking at high winds and snowfall rates of up to 3 inches an hour, and the Weather Channel tells us to "plan to have have travel completed by Saturday afternoon."
So I've got twenty bucks on my water breaking at 10pm on Saturday, well after our "travel plans" should be completed, with full force contractions immediately following. Anyone else want in? This could be a great money maker! (I mistyped that the first time as "monkey maker" - heh!)
I had NO problem with the idea of giving birth on the side of the road before we found out about his heart. Now? I'd like to be where they can take him immediately and make sure he's okay - which isn't going to happen on the shoulder of 95 in a foot of snow. Eeek.
Our little snow monkey. Heh.
Edited: We decided to make reservations at a hotel in Boston for Saturday night - our Valentine's Day gift to ourselves. And it's a great room at a good price - thanks to last-minute rates at Travelocity. (And maybe others will cancel because of the storm and they'll see my poppin' belly and upgrade us to a reaaaaally nice room.) We'll probably indulge in a nice little dinner, too, if I can find something dressy that still fits.
Now - can we write this off as a medical expense? ;-)
Dear little monkey,
Over the past few weeks, your Daddy worked very, very hard to get your room all sparkly and fun and ready for you. The walls are bright and cheery and the closet is newly rebuilt to fit all your little clothes and yummy smelling bath stuff. There are monkeys EVERYWHERE! There's a monkey clock (your daddy's favorite part of the room), a monkey chair, a monkey lamp, monkey stuffed animals, monkey books, monkey blankets and monkey overalls.
Now, the only little monkey missing is you! We're ready when you are!
Love,
Mommy
So my dream of wandering into my OB appointment today and finding out that I was 8cm dilated and hadn't been feeling a thing the whole time was completely shattered.
I'm not dilated. At all. Not a damn fraction of a centimeter. Nada.
I am 50% effaced and he's at -2, which from what I can feel is pretty well lodged in places I'm not used to feeling so much pressure.
The regular contractions (and they're definitely regular - every five minutes for about 45 seconds - and enough that I can pick out the peaks without a problem) are "simply helping to move things along", according to the OB, and she now thinks I'll likely go until close to his due date.
So that's where we are - or where he is, I should say. Two more weeks - I'm not sure if I'm up for it!
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