Mama here.
What a rollercoaster.
Sammy's out of surgery and in recovery. We were able to be with him - they actually encourage it. He's stable, but paralyzed and sedated. His chest is still open - Jay was able to bring himself to look at it, but I can't bear it at all. Luckily, they keep a blanket over him, and I get to peek at his nose and that crazy wild hair and those tiny, tiny toes. I'm going to have to settle for nibbling those toes for the next few days - hopefully by the weekend they'll start weaning him off all the things I don't understand, and hopefully by the weekend we'll get open eyes and that little squeak and the little lip kissing smacks I love so much. It all depends on when they take him off the ventilator.
The surgeon said that Sammy handled everything wonderfully - as best as they could have expected or wanted. And same thing for the steps now - the nurses said he was doing amazingly. Of course, I still feel like we're walking on tiptoes and that at any moment, it could all fall apart - but we're holding on to the little baby steps he's making. That's all we can ask, and really, all we can do.
As for us, I think we're holding up okay. I sometimes forget that I just gave birth a few days ago, and that on top of it all, I'm a painful, swollen ball of hormones. Jay has been incredible - I don't think I would have survived any of this without him. Our families and friends have all been so incredibly supportive, and knowing you're all out there pulling for our little boy - a boy many of you have never met from a mama you've never met - amazes me. It's all such a source of strength and energy for us.
Right now, though, our bodies are a mixture of sheer exhaustion and adrenaline, and it's hard sometimes to figure out which one should win out. Everything hit us tonight - sort of like the adrenaline all exploded and our bodies went into this incredible crash state. I wish I could describe it better, but it's all just such a surreal fog. So we're taking care of ourselves while the nurses and doctors take care of Sammy - we're back at the hotel for some Jeopardy (and one of the answers was just Samson! What a coincidence!), a nap and an attempt at a sense of normalcy. We're going to need all this energy when he starts to wake and we really start to become responsible for doing all those parent things. We can't wait.