The ultrasound wasn't as happy as we were hoping for. We now have an appointment Monday with a pediatric cardiologist for a fetal echocardiogram.
It'd just be really, really nice to go two weeks without some sort of test. I'm tired of hearing, "We're worried about...." - this time, his heart. Something about mitral valve and something else - it all went over my head. Luckily, Jay absorbed it all, but I still can't process it when he explains it to me.
Our genetics counselor still sucks. I think she gets a bonus for every amnio referral she makes, because she's pushing us real hard. She called this afternoon, after the ultrasound, and within three minutes I was sobbing. I had to hand the phone to Jay; "The signs are pointing to Down's Syndrome" just wasn't something you should say to someone over the phone. The fetal specialist said it could be a sign, it could be something else. They should have left it at that.
Maternal fetal specialist. Genetics counselor. Pediatric cardiologist. Any other specialists we should know about?
We got a good picture of him, his profile. He's beautiful - little lips, nose, hand. But for all that I love in it, it also makes me sad and scared to look at it. I want to believe it's just a series of random problems - the single umbilical artery, the positive quad panel, the concerns with his heart - but I just don't know what to think. I want to stay positive, I want to feel safe loving him, I want to hope that maybe they just couldn't get a good picture today, but I'm just scared. I'm scared and I'm tired and I'm tired of worrying and I just want him to be okay.
And to think - my biggest concern was that I'd gain lots and lots of weight and that I would never be able to go to dinner alone with my husband again. It all just seems to silly now.
Yeah... so that's where we're at.